About Me

At the end of 2016, I had a hemorrhoidectomy. Prior to this, the only surgery I ever experienced was a c-section. The first week after the c-section was pretty painful, but not compared to the pain after the hemorrhoidectomy.  Not only was the pain unbearably excruciating, it lasted much longer than I anticipated. I had already planned to take a journal of my recovery. By the time I reached one month mark after the hemorrhoidectomy, I continued to struggle with debilitating pain. Mentally I was a wreck. During this, perhaps my darkest days in life, I decided to start a blog to share my experience and lessons – a way to make me feel at least my suffering could turn into something useful for others.

Secretly, I was also hoping my suffering would soon be over, and I would read these blogs as a reminder that I actually did go through a lot. Except it did not go as I hoped. I did not need a reminder – I continued to experience daily pain four months after the surgery. Sometime around the fifth month post-hemorrhoidectomy, it was diagnosed that I had developed a fissure, which is a very painful tear in the inner rectum lining. The pain usually comes with a BM (which unfortunately is unavoidable). For those who never have had a fissure, it is pretty safe to say they could not image the level of pain. Many fissure sufferers deal with throbbing pain for hours after a BM. The daily mental stress and depression associated with this painful condition cannot be neglected either. My anxiety was over the roof. I actually quit writing blogs all together, as I had little positive and useful things left to write about. There is no shortage of suffering stories online already – I see no benefit of me adding to that.

Gradually, after extensive research and experiment with different treatment plans, I started to have a little control over the fissure pain. I started to see a slight ray of hope again. By the ninth months after hemorrhoidectomy, or three months after the fissure diagnosis, I felt great relief from fissure pain. I resumed my blogs and shared my experience of fissure healing. I was really hoping that would be the end of my recovery.

Except I was wrong again. At the beginning the nine month after hemorrhoidectomy, a small hole appeared on the outside of my rectum opening. My doctor confirmed that an abscess developed from the chronic fissure site and had turned into a fistula, which would require surgery as a fistula won’t heal on its own.  I simply could not take that news well!

Up till that point, despite all the suffering, I had remained positive – knowing I was on the right track and healing would come one day! Now – I was told that healing would never come unless I had another surgery?! I was crashed.

I spent a few days to calm down and started to recollect my cool head again. After nine months of daily self healing regimen, I had learned a lot about my body, diet, and different natural remedies. I learned so much that I wish somebody had told me before my hemorrhoidectomy. I even came to the conclusion that I probably did not need the surgery, at least not without trying some of the self care regimen I had learned and developed in the past few months.  I also started to realize there were many grey areas in the treatment of rectal diseases – areas where you hear completely different opinions, e.g. some think hemorrhoidectomy is easily manageable, while others rate it as “hell”; some fissures heal quickly, while others linger on and on; some think chronic fissure won’t heal on its own and all natural healing was a waste of time, while others claim they heal on coconut oil; etc. We have a convenient excuse for these inconsistencies – “Everybody’s body is different.” Surprisingly,  a common medical condition can still be so controversial today, with all the modern technologies!

Something in the back of my mind kept telling me – “I’ve got to give the fistula a chance to heal naturally! Yes, it is a chronic condition, but it is so new and small! My otherwise healthy body should heal this small wound!” I started researching alternative treatment in and out of the U.S.  I found very limited resources.  I also joined a couple online fistula support groups. My knowledge of fistula, fissure and general colon and rectal healthy expanded rapidly. I also felt the paramount urge that patients like me need more knowledge, understanding, at home care, and alternative treatments.

My initial little drive to keep a recovery log has by now completely morphed into a passionate determination to share knowledge and care with other patients and health providers – so that a rectal ailment can be less intimidating and embarrassing.

As of now, my fissure is considered healed (I believe my official healing came 1 year and 4 months after first onset.), although I know that area is still vulnerable. My fistula remains dormant for months now, although I would not call myself healed yet.  I really hope my final healing would come! It would not only be a victory for myself, but one for the fistula community. As for now, I feel great – I have lost weight in the recovery, committed to a much healthier diet, and am heading for a 5K in one week!

I am turning this otherwise negative experience as positive as I could! Hope you find your positive sparks as well! Remember – it’s ok to feel sad and mad at times. Please also meditate and regain your courage for yourself, and your loved ones!

Feedback is always welcome! Leave a comment or send us an email with “Contact“.

Happy sharing and happy healing, pals!

Penni @ end of 2018

 

P.S.  My doctor has declared that my fistula has closed on its own (one after the fistula diagnosis). I have written my journey and published on Amazon. Check it out!